Okay, I am in a miserable state. I’m hungry, I’m tired, I’m scared… why there is so many drunken people here? And how on earth did I get here? I am very lame in remembering directions. I even forgot my passport too.. perhaps that’s what I get for being dramatic, like the ringtone that rings from my phone a couple of times a while ago. And it’s ringing again. Oh yes, I have to say, I’m super furious with this person who keep calling me. I thought she is a true friend. But I guess, my instinct fooled me..but at least this time I should pick up the phone,I think.
‘waalaikum salam’ I replied
‘where are you? Are you okay?’
How could she bluntly ask me like that? It is obviously I’m not okay. I got a terrible day today and I am very sad. I don’t know what to do and when I asked her to come with me for a movie to cool down, the answer I got from her makes me feel frustrated. She said that movies will only burn her precious time and offer me other alternative like singing nasyid together? Hello…I’m the one who needs help here so I should decide and I am really, really not one of her kind. The one who we call – a good, decent and pious girl. The type that man dream for. Before I left on my own, I gave her a piece of my mind by saying that I am not worthy to be friend with her because I am a wild girl.
‘im fine..don’t worry about me. Just go and immerse in that pile of books which looks too hard to understand written by..um..uh..whoever they are, and forget about me. Im too wild to deserve your attention. But thanks for calling anyway. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am having a blast out here..’
I lied. Actually, I need a friend the most. The silly things I’ve done today does nothing toward my sadness. Yes I was happy, only for a while, but the problem still haunt me right after that. It’s like I’m running away from reality. But hey, she deserves it. I’ve done so many things that she likes. For instance, listening to talks etc, and now, when I want to do what I like, she doesn’t even bother..
‘wait, please wait.. I’m sorry.. I really am..’
‘….’ I keep on listening but I don’t feel like replying
‘please except my apology.. I should have known better that you got an issue. I’m so sorry.. I should have listen first..’
Actually, it was not her to be blame.. Instead I should blame myself for get carried away with my feelings. I was in the state of blaming everything for the misfortune.. I keep on listening to her without uttering a single word. I’m still a bit mad at her, and this is my silent treatment to her.
‘now…if you could save the dramatic for a moment and please tell me where you are because it’s almost midnight. You can kill me afterward, I promise’.
I didn’t answer…it’s a silent treatment
‘ah! There u are! Alhamdulillah’
When I turn back, I saw her on the street running toward where I am. I know that she was familiar with this cinema because she used to hang around here when she was new in town. And now that her interest prone to Islamic talks and Islamic activity, she dumped all this things because it’s a waste of time to her. And sometimes I couldn’t agree more. I have to say that am glad that she came but on the other hand, I still want her to know that I am still angry. I carry on doing my silent treatment to her all the way to the train station. Alhamdulillah we manage to catch the last train running for that day.
In the train, I am still being hard headed.. she is in silence too, as if she could read my mind that I’ll answer none of her questions, nor will I respond.
Sitting beside the window, I tried to look at the world outside the train. But It was too dark and I could see nothing. Because of the light from inside, I can also see my own reflection and of course, I could see her too. Adjusting my scarf, I couldn’t resist from observing what she is doing. She is reading Quran and she weep..i wonder what’s inside. As if hearing what I think, she turns her head toward me. Quickly I pretend to be busy. She understand and soon she mark the page on the quran. She opens another book to read. It’s one of her hard-to-understand book entitled Khalid al Walid. It is too thick for me, that why I labeled it as hard-to-understand book although it is only the story of a sahabah.
Spacing out the dark, I keep thinking about what happened today. Owh, how I wish there’s someone here to comfort me. Well, she is okay but it would be nicer if there’s a man beside me. Yeah, someone that would say nice word, give me nice advice and still tries to comfort me despite how I react. Yeah, maybe someone like him, the one that we always talk about and she would always reminds me to lower my gaze for hijab, cause it do no good to the heart. But he is the nicest person I know although we have never talked. He went to pray jemaah in the mosque. He got stunning smile and cute face. He likes to advice people to do good. Perhaps someone like him would make my day better. Someone dashingly cute and have..
I jumped a little..can she really read my mind? She looks at me and smile. She then stand up and ask me to watch over her stuff. She got to go to the toilet, that what she said. She left her book open. So I peek to see what she is reading. It’s not my fault for reading without permission, who ask her to live it like that? So I read it. And it was about Ali r.a at the war of khandaq. One of the Quraish man provoke the muslims to battle him. That man was famous as a giant who won every competition. Ali seek permission from rasulullah saw to fight that man as he was insulting islam. Rasulullah saw told him to remain in his position. Until the third time ali asked for permission, rasullullah saw finally gave his permission and he gave ali his sword,later known as zulfiqar. Despite how young and small ali is compared to the giant, he won the fight instantly. Ali asked the giant to accept islam or die. Feeling humiliated, he spit on Ali’s face. He knows what would happen next and he is ready to accept his fate but he was wrong. Ali let him go. He was even more furious with ali, to him Ali had shreaded his pride as a man by pitying him. But Ali said
“I only kill in the way of Allah and not for any private motive. Since you spat in my face, my killing you now may be from a desire for personal vengeance. So I spare your life.”
If I were in Ali’s place I’m sure I have already killed the giant! How dare he spit on my face although he is a loser! Maybe this is the chunk where she reads and speak out her mind before, about Ali being a person of ‘good iman’. From here it is obvious to me that islam does not encourage war, but islam gives option and muslim fights only for Allah. I would like to continue reading and find out what happen to the giant but my ego prevent me from doing that as I back off when she return to the seat from the toilet. Again, she smiled.
That book is rather interesting. If I got a chance, I will read it again. She kept her book away, now she’s onto another thing. I could see from the reflection that she is memorizing something, hadith I think. She is so hardworking.. the train stopped and we have reached our destination. As we get off the train, her eyes suddenly sparkle. She looks at me and ask me to hold her hadith book and Quran for a moment. I know that eyes and that attiitude. It’s all because she saw the café which serves her favourite drink.. coffee. The queue is quite long. So I took the chance to read what hadith she is on. It’s one of hadith 40 from imam an-nawawi. It state that a sahabah seek rasullullah for an advice and the advice rasulullah saw gave was “don’t get angry”. He said that for 3 times..indicating how important to control our anger.
Reflecting back at myself, being angry and ego is the reason I could not speak to my best friend and not knowing the fate of the giant who Ali fought in the battle of khandaq. I insisted to show her that I am angry at her although she tried her best comfort me. I noticed that her shoe is still wet, perhaps because of the rain just now. She even travelled at this hour just to search for me. Being angry, I became irrational.. I acted stupid and I put our friendship to the lowest part of my heart. As if it was nothing. Now that I’ve cooled down, it is all clear to me that this life I have is really is a blessing. A nikmat from the almighty Allah
She is still waiting for her coffee. I look at her Quran and track back where she read before. The part that makes her wept. I opened it and read it properly
وَٱلَّذِينَ صَبَرُواْ ٱبۡتِغَآءَ وَجۡهِ رَبِّہِمۡ وَأَقَامُواْ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأَنفَقُواْ مِمَّا رَزَقۡنَـٰهُمۡ سِرًّ۬ا وَعَلَانِيَةً۬ وَيَدۡرَءُونَ بِٱلۡحَسَنَةِ ٱلسَّيِّئَةَ أُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ لَهُمۡ عُقۡبَى ٱلدَّارِ
Dan orang-orang yang sabar kerana mengharapkan keredaan Tuhan mereka semata-mata dan mendirikan sembahyang, serta mendermakan dari apa yang Kami kurniakan kepada mereka, secara bersembunyi atau secara terbuka dan mereka pula menolak kejahatan dengan cara yang baik; mereka itu semuanya adalah disediakan baginya balasan yang sebaik-baiknya pada hari akhirat;
جَنَّـٰتُ عَدۡنٍ۬ يَدۡخُلُونَہَا وَمَن صَلَحَ مِنۡ ءَابَآٮِٕہِمۡ وَأَزۡوَٲجِهِمۡ وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِہِمۡۖ وَٱلۡمَلَـٰٓٮِٕكَةُ يَدۡخُلُونَ عَلَيۡہِم مِّن كُلِّ بَابٍ۬
Iaitu Syurga yang kekal yang mereka akan memasukinya bersama-sama orang-orang yang mengerjakan amal soleh dari ibu bapa mereka dan isteri-isteri mereka serta anak-anak mereka; sedang malaikat-malaikat pula akan masuk kepada mereka dari tiap-tiap pintu
سَلَـٰمٌ عَلَيۡكُم بِمَا صَبَرۡتُمۡۚ فَنِعۡمَ عُقۡبَى ٱلدَّارِ
(Memberi hormat dengan berkata): Selamat sejahteralah kamu berpanjangan, disebabkan kesabaran kamu. Maka amatlah baiknya balasan amal kamu di dunia dahulu.
وَٱلَّذِينَ يَنقُضُونَ عَهۡدَ ٱللَّهِ مِنۢ بَعۡدِ مِيثَـٰقِهِۦ وَيَقۡطَعُونَ مَآ أَمَرَ ٱللَّهُ بِهِۦۤ أَن يُوصَلَ وَيُفۡسِدُونَ فِى ٱلۡأَرۡضِۙ أُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ لَهُمُ ٱللَّعۡنَةُ وَلَهُمۡ سُوٓءُ ٱلدَّارِ
Dan (sebaliknya) orang-orang yang merombak (mencabuli) perjanjian Allah sesudah diperteguhkannya dan memutuskan perkara-perkara yang disuruh oleh Allah supaya dihubungkan, serta mereka pula membuat kerosakan dan bencana di muka bumi, mereka itu beroleh laknat dan mereka pula beroleh balasan hari akhirat yang seburuk-buruknya.
ٱللَّهُ يَبۡسُطُ ٱلرِّزۡقَ لِمَن يَشَآءُ وَيَقۡدِرُۚ وَفَرِحُواْ بِٱلۡحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنۡيَا وَمَا ٱلۡحَيَوٰةُ ٱلدُّنۡيَا فِى ٱلۡأَخِرَةِ إِلَّا مَتَـٰعٌ۬
Allah memewahkan rezeki bagi sesiapa yang dikehendakiNya dan Dia juga yang menyempitkannya dan mereka (yang ingkar): Bergembira dengan kehidupan dunia, sedang kehidupan dunia itu tidak lain, hanyalah kesenangan yang kecil dan tidak, kekal berbanding dengan kesenangan hari akhirat.
وَيَقُولُ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ لَوۡلَآ أُنزِلَ عَلَيۡهِ ءَايَةٌ۬ مِّن رَّبِّهِۦۗ قُلۡ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُضِلُّ مَن يَشَآءُ وَيَہۡدِىٓ إِلَيۡهِ مَنۡ أَنَابَ
Dan orang-orang yang kafir berkata: Mengapa tidak diturunkan kepada (Muhammad) satu mukjizat dari Tuhannya? Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): Sesungguhnya Allah menyesatkan sesiapa yang dikehendakiNya (menurut undang-undang peraturanNya), dan memberi petunjuk ke jalan agamanya, sesiapa yang rujuk kepadaNya.
ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ وَتَطۡمَٮِٕنُّ قُلُوبُهُم بِذِكۡرِ ٱللَّهِۗ أَلَا بِذِڪۡرِ ٱللَّهِ تَطۡمَٮِٕنُّ ٱلۡقُلُوبُ
Iaitu) orang-orang yang beriman dan tenang tenteram hati mereka dengan “zikrullah”. Ketahuilah dengan “zikrullah” itu, tenang tenteramlah hati manusia.
Drop of tears run onto my cheek. MasyaAllah how true it is and it is like Allah is talking to me..comforting me..and yes, only by remembering Allah does this heart find happiness. Alhamdulillah, the burden before vanished just like that. Allah does not leave me alone. And he told me to be patient with all the trials for he never gives one that we can’t handle. And yes, all the things that happen is just a matter of time before it disappear. It is not the outcome that matter, but the way I handle it in the way of Allah. And there’s always a reward behind it. InsyaAllah.
I heard her footstep approaching me. I pretend like I did nothing. As if nothing happened. From the smell of the coffee I can tell that it is cappuccino. She bought me one too, a large size cappuccino for she knows that I am too a coffee lover just like her. I took it with a smile. She seems so happy seing my positive respons, I bet she thinks it was the coffee that makes me chill.
“tonight.. can we pray isyak together? And please wake me up for tahajjud..” I finally crack the silence between us.
“yes! Yes of course! I love you” she replied delightedly. It is as if I am proposing to her. Is she gay? Haha.. Of course not. That’s how she treat our friendship, with love and only in the cause of Allah
“I guess next time when somebody gets angry with me, I should have just gave her a cup of cappuccino”
Her remark makes me burst into laughter. she is totally clueless and I will never tell her that her counter attack against my silent treatment works tremendously. We race our way back home and with this new spirit, I promise I will tackle the trials ahead of me with patient and unshaken faith in Allah.
so..cappucino, anyone? ; )